Why Healthy Love Seems Boring

The Hidden Reasons Behind Why Healthy Love Feels Dull

I recently did a reel on Instagram that went super viral—6 million views, people! And the messages flooded in. Apparently, a lot of you resonated with this: Healthy love can feel boring to an unhealthy nervous system. I wanted to unpack that for you here, especially because I was chatting with clients today, and the same theme came up again and again.

Healthy love feels boring if you have an unhealthy nervous system. And guess what? It’s not your fault. It’s the byproduct of life events, and more often than not, childhood experiences. But don’t worry, it doesn’t mean you had bad parents or a traumatic childhood. It’s about the parts of you that weren’t completely aligned with your authentic self.

Take, for instance, a client I spoke with today. She’s going through a divorce and can’t fathom why everything unraveled the way it did. I tuned into her inner child—yes, that’s part of what I do during our sessions—and discovered that despite a seemingly good childhood, some core truths in her were never fully honored. She came from a home with alcoholic grandparents, leading her parents to overcompensate with severe religious structure. Structures that are not inherently bad but sometimes don’t allow space for the child’s authentic self.

So, what’s the takeaway here? It’s all about that inner child work. When parts of your authentic self aren’t acknowledged, you’re not fully connected with yourself. That disconnection makes you attracted to people who are also not emotionally available because, on some level, you’re not emotionally available to parts of yourself. And healthy love? Well, it seems boring because it’s unfamiliar.

Ask yourself: Is it really that healthy love is boring, or does it feel foreign because you haven’t yet opened up to all parts of yourself? Dive deep. Get intimate with those bits that you think are flawed or unlovable. That’s where real healing happens.

So if any of this resonates with you and you feel ready to do your own deep dive, hop over to my website, candacevandell.com. I’m here to guide you through this journey, whether it’s through 1-on-1 coaching or our group workshops.

And don’t forget to watch the full episode, because we get into a lot more details that could be the key to unlocking your own path to authentic love and happiness. Also, say HI to me on Instagram—I’m sharing new reels every day designed to help you on this journey of self-discovery.

Let’s make this time about understanding, healing, and growing. No more settling for boring love or chaotic relationships that just keep you trapped in the same cycles. Let’s break free together!

In this episode:

00:34 – Why Healthy Love Feels Boring
01:10 – Impact of Childhood on the Nervous System
02:24 – Denial of Truths in Childhood
03:07 – Feeling Cut Off and Misunderstood
04:45 – Attraction to Emotionally Unavailable Partners
05:41 – Client’s Experience of a Shadow Self
06:10 – Authenticity and Self-Love
07:03 – Healing and Inner Child Work
07:47 – Conclusion