I want to talk about a subject that is not talked about enough. We talked all day long about toxic relationship dynamics, but do we truly know where they come from?
We must go into the INNER CHILD to deeply understand WHY we are attracted to and put up with emotional abuse from others. No, it does not start that way. It starts with the love bombing, feeling so special and thinking we are actually BEING SEEN (maybe for the first time). This person gets us. This person treats us like we are special, cherished, adored, and the center of their universe. MUCH like we should have felt in our Mothers’ eyes.
You see, many of us have a Mother wound and we may not even be aware of it. One of the main reasons you may not know about this is that you were taught in this society to honor thy Mother no matter what. You may not allow yourself to SEE until you are in your 50s. But when you see, you will see WHY you were the way you were and what you truly needed that you did not receive. Oftentimes, my clients will have what I call a “broken receiver”. You did not get the care and nurture and ACKNOWLEDGMENT you needed for so long that you decided you would just not ALLOW it in if it does come. You have been so let down time and time again waiting for MOM to show up or get you or treat you differently that you just let that dream go.
We get our sense of SELF from our Mother. If you were not VALIDATED or your feelings were made wrong a lot of the time, you have low self-esteem. You search externally for validation of YOU. You look to opinions to know you are good enough, loved, safe, and exist. You often disown these very feelings because you feel GUILTY for even having them. GUILT is a huge topic in your world, that and ANXIETY.
To walk around without a confirmed sense of being GOOD is a very difficult reality. This leads you to the toxic partner who seems like a fairytale. He will rescue me from my insecurities. Someone this amazing and charismatic loving me means I am worthy, right?
YES, you are worthy, but not because of this person’s attention, you are worthy because you are a soul having a human experience who happened to have a wounded parent. If this is speaking to you at all, you have the huge opportunity to HEAL this tribal wound in your family once and for all.
Many women write to me telling me about how they either opted OUT of having children of their own altogether OR they now have a daughter who they treat the way they were treated and they need my help to break that pattern. If this is you….. I see you, I love you!
It is time for the INNER WORK! You must start to understand your dynamic for what it is. You must see these relationships are nothing more than mirroring the LACK you got in the first place. You will not break this pattern until you see WHY you have this need to be mirrored, validated, seen, adored, and TAKEN CARE OF in a parental way. These partners are your fantasy of UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. You have subconsciously assigned them to the task of SAVIOR and SOUL MATE.
If they save me from my childhood pains I can be confident and free. BUT what happens 100% of the time is you again are not allowed AUTONOMY. You are not loved unless your needs line up with their needs. You are not provided for unless you do what they need and what they expect of you. It turns on a dime and you find yourself again in a position of it NOT BEING ABOUT YOU until you are about them. You are depending on undependable people.
This is your calling card to BECOME YOUR OWN MOTHER INSIDE. Yes, your inner child still needs a mother, but this time it will be YOU.
I have designed my EMOTIONAL REHAB program to heal your emotions and build self trust so that you can Mother yourself to wholeness. We are open for enrollment NOW. Class will start (virtually) Dec. 1, 2022. You can do this course at your own pace, but it is 12 weeks. It is on your own except for the live calls every Sunday that you can join if you feel like it. You will never be kicked out of this private group so it is a lifelong support system for you and tribe to relate with.
Register Here
HEALING IS POSSIBLE!
Here is my latest video: Narc Relationships & The Mother Wound
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Also, I am new on TikTok, sharing snippets of wisdom with you each day. If you are on TikTok, please find me.
I love and support you in your healing,
Candace
