Hello beautiful souls,
I hope you all had a lovely Valentine’s Day whether you celebrated SELF LOVE, a NEW LOVE, a long lasting LOVE or anything in between. LOVE takes on new meaning after we do our inner work. Everything involving Love feels different if you know what I mean.
We have been diving deep these past three weeks in my INNER WORK program. We have been discussing toxic relationship dynamics whether it be with parents, partners, bosses or even ourselves. So many of us grew up trying to escape environments that did not make us feel 100% loved or accepted. I have done many videos on the UNLOVED CHILD, the wounded empath, the highly sensitive people who are misunderstood, the people pleaser and the perfectionists. I have also done many videos on the relationship dynamics that come from these beginnings. But today I want to focus on WHAT A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP really looks like versus a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP.
Oftentimes in this work, my clients will get to an amazing point in their awakening journey and then start to ask, “But Candace what does a healthy relationship even look like now that I am ready?” Many of us grew up feeling “wrong” all the time, so we were driven to perfection. Many of us felt neglected, so we were driven to attention. Many of us felt misunderstood, so we became constant students or pleasers. Many of us were abandoned and got caught in abandoning relationships. All of these situations lead to the creation of FALSE IDOLS. The God of Perfection, The God of Opinion, The God of Fame, The God of Authority. But those false idols that we think are LOVE are nothing but a temporary band-aid that will eventually push us right back into a toxic cycle of EXTERNAL SEARCHING.
So what is healthy love?
Well, it starts with the deep KNOWING that YOU are not the reason for your pain. YOU are not the cause of your external search. YOU are not flawed at your core. YOU are capable of the life you truly want to live. How do we find this sense of SELF? By watching what comes up when our false idols disappear. What did they do for you? Did they make you feel confident, sure of yourself, give you a better identity than you originally had? GOOD, that is the work then.
Wherever you still feel the weakness in SELF is where we need to NURTURE. What beliefs about YOU are still being falsely believed and who put those ideas there? Why?
A healthy relationship to self is the absolute key. The courage to stop unhealthy cycles and patterns and to choose the NEW WAY. We are in a paradigm shift and this means the paradigm of love as well. A deep, trusted relationship to self will make it possible for you to deeply trust and connect to another. It feels comfortable, easy, interesting, fun, new, safe, like family (the one you never had). It may not be the fireworks of a love addiction or a band-aid, but it will be constant and kind all of the time.
Can you imagine a life where you are constant in showing up for yourself and kind to yourself unconditionally? This is what a healthy relationship feels like.
We must create a healthy attachment to SELF and we must develop emotional intimacy and autonomy. We absolutely have no choice but to HEAL the inner wounds. I encourage you to join my EMOTIONAL REHAB program that starts April 1st if you wish to dive in deep. If you have already taken ER and wish to go to the next level please check out SHADOW WORK. Shadow work is the place you will reclaim your power and your higher purpose.
Here are a couple of new videos for you to enjoy:
Signs You are Entering a Relationship with a Narcissist: https://youtu.be/87JSH8PPz10
The Gift and the Curse of Being Highly Sensitive: https://youtu.be/xh5vh1RGZP8
I also want to announce that my new NAVIGATING DIVORCE GROUP is now open for enrollment. We will start March 1st and we meet every week for 1.5 hours for 8 weeks. The group is limited to 5 people. You can check it out here.
Doing the inner work is a lifelong commitment. It is basically connecting with the truth of you in all you do. Why would we not want to deepen this on the daily? The more connected to Self, the more connected to Source. The insights and wisdom don’t stop, they just get better. The clarity and joy that comes from this work is what you get to take into every experience. Instead of living with anxiety and stress, you live with awareness and vision.
I want to thank each and every one of you for continuing your journey with me. You are rockstars and we are healing the world one soul at a time.