Hello tribe,
Wishing you all a belated Valentine’s Self-Love DAY 😉
Even if we are currently partnered up, it is so important to celebrate the self too. In fact, I woke up yesterday and had my own spa appointments set up and took the day off just so that I could give myself what I wanted regardless of anything else. After that, I was already fulfilled and anything my partner and I did for one another was EXTRA. As a recovering high-expectation hangover chic haha, I make sure I fill up my own cup so the pressure is off 😉
Now on the subject of unhealed empaths… I posted a new reel this week about UNHEALED EMPATHS and it went viral. It was so exciting to see so many new people understand this concept and want to dive in deeper.
The video was about how unhealed empaths UNCONSCIOUSLY choose partners they need to fix, heal, and help in some way. We do this for a couple of different reasons and when we understand this, we can completely and totally shift this.
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Many of us became hypervigilant because we grew up in emotionally unpredictable homes or emotionally inconsistent homes. We learned that if we took care of our parents’ emotional needs and moods then we got the parent we truly needed. So in essence, I will be what you need so that you can be what I need. In my video, I used the example of making sure a parent feels good so that they can be strong enough/ validated enough or even available enough for us to feel safe in their support. The other example I used was dating someone with an addiction. You take care of them so that they do not want to use, so that they can be there for you.
We feel this sort of high or excitement when we meet someone that we feel needs us. We feel we can be their angel or healer. We know we can make them better and in return have the love and support we never had. We put that “over responsibility” on ourselves and don’t even realize it. We feel an unmatched satisfaction because we KNOW HOW TO EARN THEIR LOVE.
But see… that is the entire issue. We never were supposed to HAVE TO earn love. When we come from conditional love, we learn how to mind the conditions to get the love. Because of this, we have an emotional imprint that tells us THIS FEELS LIKE HOME. This conditional love cycle feels like true love and bliss because that is what we tried to achieve at home and never did. Maybe this time I will do it right, do it better and ACHIEVE that true love my inner child craves so deeply!
The answer is NO. Let’s not do that. Let’s instead do the MANDATORY inner child work (from start to finish) so that we learn to experience unconditional self-love. So we can learn counterintuitive work and recognize trauma vs intuition. So we can FEEL what it is like to be treated correctly by SELF FIRST so that these addictive cycles no longer measure up and we choose EMOTIONAL CONSISTENCY AND SECURITY over the high highs and the low lows.
As EMPATHS and healers, we need to focus our desire to heal and help in our careers and in our service work, not in our partners.
For those of you who have already taken my INNER WORK class and love it, I am super excited to announce INNER WORK LEVEL 2 is now open for enrollment. This class will not start until April 7, 2023. It is totally different content. This 8 week class is focused on ABANDONMENT WOUNDS & TRAUMA BONDS. It is also live and 90 minutes each week. We like to keep the groups small. Right now this class is being offered on Friday 11am PST. If this fills up (3-5 people) we will open another day as well.
You can sign up for Inner Work Level 2 here.
If you have not taken INNER WORK LEVEL 1 and wish to, the new class starts MARCH 6, 2023 10AM PST. We will only take 3-5 people. The focus in this class is INNER CHILD REPAIR and Narc parents and partners
If you are wanting to deepen your emotional healing on your own, I highly suggest our new ON DEMAND version of Emotional Rehab which is open NOW.
SHADOW WORK
This class to heal mother, father, tribal wounds and own your power and purpose will start March 1 with live calls each week.
THANK YOU all so much for your love and support of this community. Please feel free to email me with any questions you may have. We are still busy working away at this year’s retreat. We hope to have some announcements for you soon!!!
Lots of Love,
Candace
